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Consultant opinion
How to talk to people as if they were human
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The inspiration to writing this article came from a discussion with a friend - on the aspects of efficient communication, naturally. As he had recently been promoted team lead, his main issue was why the people in his team seemed to have little understanding of what he wanted from them, although (he felt) communication was not the issue. He said he had chosen the right words, spoken in the appropriate tone and had clearly stated the necessary deliverables. Still, things did not work out and he had no idea why.
The main thing that people need to feel when you are talking to them is that you consider them human, and not some "project resources", inferior beings or slight retards. People do understand when you are talking to them, and what matters is not only the tone, the content of what you are trying to convey or merely the structure in what you say. What matters most is the professional relationship you are able to uphold with them, without which it is likely that most of your greatly rounded up speeches will fly by their ears straight into the recycle bin.
As a business consultant involved in more than one project requiring a lot of diplomacy and tact, I have experienced many situations in which perfectly communicated tasks or wonderfully planned meetings went astray due to the relationships and backdoor politics that went on behind the scenes and affected the communication. The ultimate direction was given by the professional relationship the project members contributed to: understanding led to collaboration and disregard led to chaos.
Please try to remember the following when people seem to react to you as if you were some kind of alien (and you are convinced you aren't one):
1. Never use a vocabulary that the people in front of you have no chance of understanding.
This goes especially for technology professionals, who arrive at the client, start a conversation in which BPR, ITIL, PM, UAT and TBD are the key note expressions, then wonder why they are stared at and considered alien. It is ok to think in a technical manner, but think twice before letting that out to your clients.
2. Be sure that the person you are talking to is the intended recipient.
Sometimes, after being delegated a task, people are too dazzled to say that it actually was not meant for them, so that they never produce a result or communicate on, either. Imagine phoning your colleague, asking him/her to fetch you the report and finding out you have just spoken to your boss. Or even worse, emailing a client to give you the damn data (meaning his/her data).
3. Never assume that people have all the tools and skills at hand to complete your requests.
More often than never, they do not, so it is always a good idea to check if they know how to do what you ask them to. This does not concern delegation alone, but also basic communication in a project. This is a sure way to correctly manage expectations - both yours and of the people you are talking to.
4. Believe in the discipline of silence.
There are few things that are less appealing than a never ending monologue exceeding the rational expectations of every educated listener. Although the things you say might sound clever to yourself, give the others a chance to speak and try to use your ears and mouth proportionally. Just listening to what is being said might do you good on the long run, as information is coming to you and not flowing away from you.
5. Ask the right questions.
When somebody is open to be asked questions, the temptation is of course to ask him/her all the questions you feel like asking. Well, let me fill you in from the other side of the barrier: at least half of them are repeated issues and thus a waste of time. So think twice next time you ask a question: Is it really a question that needs an answer or do you just want to make an impression?
6. You must not always be right.
Most of us prefer to be the winners in arguments. The moment you stop doing that and enter a discussion without necessarily wanting to prove your superiority, you will see it starts flowing.
7. If you really need to influence the other, do so with style.
I have witnessed so many conversations where the influencer would not stop until the other person left convinced that another opinion had been forced upon him/her, pretty much to his/her dismay. Overdoing this will only bring you the reputation of a creep, which in turn will copiously help shrink your social network.
There are many things yet to be told about talking to others, be it on a professional or on a personal level. What attracts the respect of clients and ultimately turns into a job well done is still addressing the conversation partner as an equal who has the right to be treated as such. When you feel the quality of your communication is not up to the others' expectations - just ask yourself: are you really talking to them as if they were human?
If you don't find the answer, Ensight can help you...
Dana Timar
Ensight Consultant
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